I apologize for not updating this more recently. I’ve had some issues with PHP I finally got worked out that made it impossible to do so.
Not that I had a lot to update on. If you follow my work you are familiar with the pattern — once or maybe twice a year, a chapter update. Then a post, shit goes to hell, nothing. Then another chapter.
The reasons for this are kinda… varied. Some of it is that honestly, fan fiction is supposed to be fun to write, and often times this isn’t fun anymore. Some of it is schedule. Some of it is work. Some of it my health. Some of it is my companion, or dealing with my mother’s health.
But a lot of it, I think, was that this work was written on the anniversary of my wife’s death to distract me. And for years, it did that, as I vented poisons out of my soul and skull and ranted in borrowed voices.
It has had an impact on a lot of lives — a lot more than I ever could have expected. Ultimately, I have to continue the work even though the situation and motivation and impetus has changed, because it does impact people.
I wrote out of frustration and frankly the mess at my job in my last post, but I wish to reiterate that slowness is not stopping. I am not even close to arrogant or egotistical enough to compare myself to the guy who writes A Song of Ice and Fire , but the man’s taken eleven fucking years.
Sometimes, it doesn’t come together.
What’s changed since … 2012?
- Wealth: In 2012, I had a lot of money — enough that I could splurge on first-class trips to visit people. The mess with my mother’s two cancers (and the insipid greed of Aetna) and having to replace the hot water heater, A/C system, dishwasher, washer and dryer, buy a new car, have sewage work done and support various family members and friends (none of which have ever paid me back) means I no longer have ‘wealth’. I have enough to pay my property taxes, but I am still tens of thousands of dollars in medical and other debt. The house and SUV are paid for…but the roof is old, the SUV is from 2012, and who knows what could go wrong?
- Work: In 2012 I was a very senior analyst and SME at a Fortune 500 company with a $14 million dollar book of work and the ear of the CEO and senior officials. Prior to that, I was a high – priced consultant for a big railroad, both of which paid extremely well, and which also left me with a lot of free time. I would ‘work’ maybe 2 hours a day. Now, I work for a smaller company, and I am doing actual IT work and it varies from eight hours to as much as 14, 15 hours a day — worse during busy times. As we cannot afford to lose our primary client and as the shocks from various acts on the world stage affect us, the workload grows heavier and I am not paid nearly as well. But I cannot afford to quit to find another job and most I look at are not any better.
- Health: In 2012, I was thirty five. Young. I was in good health. In 2025, I am 48. My knee and ankle hurt. My back has issues. I can no longer really run so I’ve picked up weight. I don’t have time to go to the gym, and while my diabetes is stable it is always a threat. My energy levels are lower.
- Personal situation: Let’s say in 2012 I was unstable and broken. I am both better and worse now, but not in a way that drives me to write. I wrote so fast back then because I withdrew almost entirely from society and my friends, which you do not need to be a trained psychologist to know is Not Good For You. I’m…not alone but the situation is complex, messy and somewhat causing issues with my friends, who have also mostly moved away now.
The result? Writing is slower, and I am more and more picky about what I write. The earlier parts of OSABC need some rewriting for polish and tone and while I still think TWCD is better, it is not any easier to put together.
The other big difference is the Editing Gang. The first two books were slapdash affairs — nimiraj or Progman would glance at things for tone but not really change much. Now the Editing Gang reviews grammar, tone, the message, lore consistancy, and a lot of other things. More than once they’ve basically said ‘dude this chapter is shit and you are shit’ and I’ve rewritten entire blocks.
While that is good in terms of quality, it dampens your eagerness to write. It makes you go back to the drawing board, where I have a tendency to get stuck at.
Finally…not to put too fine a fucking point on it… a very large portion of my vital energy that once was put into writing this fic is now redirected at a variety of sources — my companion, the RP, Discord, and adapting to the reality that soon I will be fifty.
A witty intellect with less ability to observe than to rhyme left an anonymous review on TWCD urging me to hurry up and write, without grasping (or, to be honest, probably caring) why I had slowed to begin with. If it was as easy as just putting the words down that would be different. But I refuse to simply put my name on some pile of shit that isn’t coherent or worth a fuck to get the random appreciation of people I will never meet. I would rather do it at my own pace, and if that means it won’t be done until 2030, at least you will have something to read.
I’m on PTO this week (and maybe for once shit won’t blow up) so the IDEA is to get a chapter done and to the EG. Probably not published until they edit, but at least moving. I’ll be putting out some smaller pieces eventually, this coming weekend. But I wanted to get all this out there because just saying ‘shit is bad’ does not convey the complexity of why it’s taking so long.
And no, I don’t plan on cancelling or stopping. Nothing infuriates me more than a fucking good fan fic that just dies off, and I may take a long time (2021 to now for the Naruto fic) but I don’t just let them die out.
I hope each one of you is safe, and that you are being your best selves. Or as Ahern would say, “If a motherfucker doesn’t like how I roll that is them volunteering to be kicked out of my way.”
