January 14, 2017 at 8:01 pm #1356
I’ve been keeping notes on what is being changed or added as OSABC is revised, and after mentioning this to LP he suggested I put it here for reference.
This list is not everything, just certain things that stand out.
Eden Prime evidence that a Sunfire pistol or something like it was used. Prior to the revision the dead bodies near the beacon were cleanly shot in the head with a weaker weapon.
This didn’t fit as Saren’s only sidearm is a Sunfire, which is said by LP to be equivalent to a point blank claymore shot in power. So rather than little head wounds, the bodies are missing their heads. This is referenced again in chapters 16 and 20. In 20 this evidence is disregarded as Saren isn’t the only turian with a Sunfire.
Small fix on eden prime concerning how Shepard lost Nihlus’s revenant. Before it was ruined by Shepard rage punching the prime, despite dropping it before doing so.
On the citadel, Tali’s shotgun is shot off her ass while running away from the krogan mercs who killed Troyce. Before editing, in a later chapter it was said she dropped her shotgun running away, which didn’t happen in the arrive at citadel scene.
Chapter 23 (current as of this writing): Major changes and additions to Garrus – Pallin shouting match scene. Pallin contradicted himself before, this was fixed.
Also the chapter grew by two pages.
Issues to be corrected in later chapters
Kiana is to be changed to Kiala on sight.
Shepard saying “I don’t have any friends” is heresy.
Helen Chakwas is supposed to be Karin.
I’ll come back to this later.
January 19, 2017 at 10:21 pm #1384
Other changes: (Mostly where sentences or paragraphs were added)
Ch 17: Small additions to brief scene of Shepard having Torfan flashbacks.
Fixed reference to the death of Saren’s brother, says he blames the death of his brother on humanity, rather than saying his brother was killed in the FCW.
Additions and changes to Shepard’s conversations with Anderson, Chakwas, and Joker. Fixed Shepard’s “I have no friends” heresy.
Ch 20: Addition to Shepard’s comments on stealth drive tech.
Additions to what Shepard is thinking during Anderson talk, showing there’s more to her than a simple soldier.
Additions to major scenes, little details where Saren, Udina, and the council are talking.
Mentions that turians were planning to open relay 314 anyway. Adjustments to Harper-Saracino conversation, Saracino knows Florez is his mother, sentence “not that I miss the bitch” removed.
Significant additions to Saren-Benezia conversation which is the subject of the chapter. Shows more of the mental state of the characters. Mentions that Nazara refuses to use the godpower to secure the citadel.
May 22, 2017 at 5:44 pm #1613
-Changed predator to carnifex in scene where Shepard meets Wrex in C-Sec for consistency with service record.
-Revision to sentence where Alenko remembers that the last time Shepard laughed was when facing down 70+ geth with an avenger —changed, she never used the avenger in that scene. She just charged and played a game of geth bowling.
-Additions to Shepard-Chakwas conversation.
-Fix to Liara’s thoughts on dark beacons: it is said that prior to Shepard, everyone exposed to a dark beacon died. There are references later on in the story of people exposed to dark beacons being alive, but damaged.
-Assorted small fixes
“Sovereign” changed to “Nazara” in Tali’s evidence. (This needs to be consistent across all appearances of evidence.)
Assorted fixes. Nothing too big.
-Cole doesn’t refer to Kyle as “some prick” anymore, but doesn’t like him either. Thinks Mindoir marines are too fanatical and too prone to atrocities.
-Additions to conversation between Cole/Williams/Alenko about Torfan. Also additions to Shepard-Cole conversation that happens the rest of the chapter. Chapter about a page longer due to additions.
-Significant changes to Tetrimus’s interactions with the council. Sparatus is… displeased to see Tetrimus the Sirefucking Traitor.
- This reply was modified 8 months ago by mrosera.
June 6, 2017 at 11:14 pm #1625
General readability edits.
Changes to numbers (amount of extranet hits on Shepard memes, number of people on Dirth, etc.)
Cole is a Master Chief, not Master Sergeant.
Krogan Writing = Korogish, not Tuchankan
Mass accelerator weapons don’t have slides and bolts, fixed during Ash-maintaining-weapons scene.
Helmet cam footage at end of chapter changed to security cam footage. Shepard and Alenko weren’t wearing helmets during the Chora’s Den raid.
July 26, 2017 at 10:15 pm #1665
-Additions to Spectre HQ section, Spectre outfitting reminds Shepard of the Knights Irregular, mention of Spectre Armor manual (that she says she should have read in a later chapter), mention of Spectres having access to STG or C-Sec investigators if given rare council permission for such…
-Detail added that Garrus is wearing his father’s Clan Ceremonial armor.
-Detail added that Garrus is former raptor guard and a skytalon pilot, in addition to naval service
-More detail of inside appearance of Saren’s ship. (Small, beginning of chapter.)
-Detail added at beginning of chapter, debate between the panicked family Arterius and the rest of the turians.
-Line added in Desolas flashback – Saren notes that Desolas’s scent is off recently.
-All mentions of Sovereign changed to Nazara. (And in future chapters Saren/Benezia should not be using the word Sovereign.)
-Changes to Saren/Benezia conversation. Saren hopes to convince Nazara that their societies have value. Not enough to be slaves like the collectors, or worse, the keepers.
-Slaver rings selling modified hanar changed to selling modified female turians.
Katha would not approve of such practices, and those slaver rings wouldn’t exist long enough for Saren to find them.
-Additions to Benezia talking about Liara, she’s proud of her, as long as Liara complies when the Krogan and geth bring her in.
Plans to win over Liara by giving her what she wants – approval.
-Reference added to volus ship attack. Saren will be taking the younger pack of Okeer’s thugs to do it. See chapter 40.
September 8, 2017 at 4:57 pm #1709
-Added a couple lines of dialogue between the krogan and a geth outside Liara’s bubble. Quickly putting the colossus back together for defense, but without the amplification systems for the weapon (which were needed to try to break the field Liara was stuck in.)
This means the colossus was weaker than normal when it fought the Mako.
Note: Cole can use a Revenant LMG easily due to being a heavy weapons specialist with a cybernetic arm and spine. (Shepard cheats with biotics, leading to Ahern’s… displeasure… in ATTWN.)
-Normandy notifies the infantry battalion on the planet of the situation, but they are 200 miles away and won’t arrive in time to be of any use.
-Added a little detail that Wrex is partly outside the Mako tank – explaining later scenes: Wrex having his own barrier hurt by the colossus, and Garrus needing to get a geth off the Mako that Wrex can’t shoot.
(No ticket, no ride!)
-Shepard calls Garrus battle chicken instead of turtle boy.
Little detail on Garrus’s rifle firing explosive rounds – the rifle fires standard rounds by default. High-ex rounds are manually loaded override shells, like little ammo blocks, for when normal rounds aren’t enough.
Fixed Shepard’s ODIN flashlight – turns it off manually after the hopper fight, then turned back on to go through the laser-melted tunnel.
Adjustments to Shepard’s reaction to seeing Liara. Removed the “She’s beautiful…” line.
Shepard “I’m as bad as a man” changed to “I’m as bad as Dunn.” Previous line deemed out of character.
Fixed Armature being named before Tali classifies it as such.
Fixed “little asari” – Liara’s not little, Telanya is.
Note: Heavy splinter cells are single mini ammo blocks which override the normal firing of a weapon, resulting in a fragmenting blast instead of a regular shot.
Added to Shepard-Pressly conversation, Pressly voices concerns about lack of real backup, and that the med-bay isn’t as well-equipped as it really needs to be.
Updated Pressly’s comments on the aliens on the ship. Tali clearly wants to help. Concerns about Wrex being a Broker agent, Garrus being a hothead.
More detail on Adams’ and Joker’s ideas to upgrade the ship, both have downsides. BuShips isn’t bothering to respond. Shepard wants them to at least tell her if additional mass reaction jets would throw off handling.
Shepard “only friends I’ve had are my old team and Anderson” – rather than just Anderson.
Sentence placement fix in a paragraph of the Shepard-Ashley conversation.
Fixed a flashback of Anderson conversation that was altered in Ch17.
October 6, 2017 at 4:17 pm #1729
Quarian length measurement added in Tali’s report on geth units.
Minor change to Tali’s dialogue, she sounds a little more direct in wanting to be on the ship.
Small detail on what a turian frown is.
Fixes for consistency with service record chapter in Shepard-Garrus conversation – Shepard telling Garrus about the 10th Street Massacre and the events right before it.
Dark beacon stuff changed for consistency when needed, they kill or drive people insane, not just kill.
October 16, 2017 at 11:47 pm #1736
Shepard early life flashback:
Detail added, clarification – Michael Shepard was a monster but not a pedophile. He did not sexually abuse Sara.
Thalia comments to M. Shepard that Sara looks like him.
Expansion to sentence where Shields asks why they aren’t killing generals right now – those are the generals who had the bright idea to send in Shepard’s unit to die.
Some fixes needed for consistency with service record chapter. (Shields first saw Shepard in PL training, not on Dirth. 3rd MPL, not 2nd.)
Addition to beginning conversation – Crossfire rifles need maintainance frequently but that gives the Marines something to do.
Quarian system purgatives changed to quarian antifungals.
Volus script changed to plentossh, hieroglyphics.
Expansion to end of chapter why the Volus are going after Githmol, either Saren and the geth are just randomly hitting ships (makes no sense) or Githmol is feeding Saren info.
General cleanup. Note: ATS tracker mike is easter egg. Exact wordage used by sonar tech to track targets, on submarines in USN.
Fixed mega-stancycles, changed to kilo. Stancycle is year on the leviathan homeworld.
Protheans changed to Sethani (their name for themselves).
Note: Reaper communication is something taken from the leviathans, who would do the same thing. The Reapers use the same method without understanding how it works or how to change it.
January 15, 2018 at 1:11 am #1776
Fixed a little missing dialogue that was previously mysterious bad punctuation (immediately after Liara sees Shields and runs to Shepard).
Changed some dialogue where shepard is wondering why the geth are trying to capture the landing site with troops rather than just bombard it from orbit.
Scene where Shepard and Liara are talking in the Mako, added stuff that they are talking on a private comm-link with their helmets on – as opposed to trying to have a private conversation while surrounded by others.
Fixed issue with Shepard being able to smell the inside of the bunker despite having her helmet on.
Fixed bad wording when Shepard is giving the Marines orders to set up at the bunker halfway between ExoGeni HQ and the landing site.
Added detail that wrecked battlesuit is thermopylae as indicated in ch 101.
Saren’s ship is light cruiser, not frigate, fixed.
Skal has command of clan Ganar with the blessing of Okeer.
Fixed issue with the garage door that Liara blows open with biotics starting as two doors and changing to one.
Fixed a geth thinking Garrus is a krogan.
Added some creepypasta that the glowing globe on the geth shrine affects VIs.
Changed conversation between Shepard and Liara. Liara says that the geth have technology the citadel races don’t and that the glowing globe is important to them, rather than saying it’s odd that the geth have suddenly allied with Saren despite making no alliances over the centuries.
Pistol on Florez’s hip is a Zeus.
Added detail that R. Williams wants a human on the council **instead of scrambling to keep the salarians from devising new ways to genocide humanity… just in case.
Citadel court on war crimes changed to crimes against sapients – they aren’t at war.
Added minor detail that infected colonists are in orange prisoner jumpsuits.
Fixed issue with Ashley and Garrus being ordered to snipe from 500 meters away and yet rejoining the team in seconds.
Shields hopes she can get out of this without being sued by exogeni or executed by the council, rather than just executed.
Fixed Benezia thinking Shepard is a man.
Addition to last sentence, Ganar Skall talking about Wrex.
“First the son, now the father.”
Made Dragunov’s speech more stilted.
Complaints from volus and hanar changed to volus and elcor. Hanar with their [REDACTED] wouldn’t care about the council appearing to favor humanity.
Fixed Liara’s pistol, changed elkoss razor to kassa razer.
Added some evidence left behind that Benezia fought her way down to the thorian chamber instead of just Saren. (Cutting biotics, warp sword use).
Changed Ganars to Skals when referring to the individual, we don’t call Wrex “Urdnot.”
Some detail added and wording adjustments on the big battle scene in the thorian chamber.
Fixed/added to Skal’s death.
Added small death scene for the second Shiala clone, who previously just vanished.
Drell heavy cruiser is under the orders of the hanar.
Added small detail about bandages during the ER Normandy scene.
Fixed Senator Chatson to Jackson (the daughter of which Engineer Adams eloped with, which angered the senator and severely damaged Adams’ career.
The spare Mako is now from Feros instead of Virmire.
Fixed various instances of word goblins.
16 heavy cruisers lost in Feros battle, not 15. May need fixing in later chapters too.
Change in the text that asari having pureblood children is rare among *the Thirty*, rather than asari in general.
Cut down on ellipsis usage, not specific to this chapter.
The tall asari on the medical ship is a clan doctor.
Bea’s hair is shaven to her scalp instead of her skull, which would be a problem.
Added detail from TWCD that Baby Blue/Jackson is technically wanted for desertion.
Elaborated a little on what the figure in the beacon vision looks like without adding too many words.
Possible issue – description of T’Soni house seems to change between the flashback of Liara being trained by Shiala and not-Benezia’s funeral.
Shepard reading the Spectre armor manual in her quarters – digital manual on screen changed to book on desk, consistency with chapter 32 change.
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