OSABC Rewrite Significant Changes

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    • #1356
      mrosera
      Moderator

      I’ve been keeping notes on what is being changed or added as OSABC is revised, and after mentioning this to LP he suggested I put it here for reference.

      This list is not everything, just certain things that stand out.

      ——
      Eden Prime evidence that a Sunfire pistol or something like it was used. Prior to the revision the dead bodies near the beacon were cleanly shot in the head with a weaker weapon.

      This didn’t fit as Saren’s only sidearm is a Sunfire, which is said by LP to be equivalent to a point blank claymore. So rather than little head wounds, the bodies are missing their heads. This, in addition to the fact Nihlus has definite Sunfire damage to his armor, is referenced again in chapters 16 and 20. In 20 this evidence is disregarded as Saren isn’t the only turian with a Sunfire.

      ——

      Chapter 14:
      Fixed wording that made it sound like Ashley was killed instantly by the last Prime’s plasma cannon, when that was not the case.

      Fix concerning how Shepard lost Nihlus’s revenant. Before it was ruined by Shepard rage punching the prime, despite dropping it before doing so.

      ——

      Chapter 15:
      Quite a few additions or changes to conversations throughout the chapter. Most important being:

      Part of reason why Dost is sending Tali to an agent of the Broker in the first place. Low PRIDE rating due to having a quarian mate – Kiala – commissars visiting him frequently, suspects he won’t have his job much longer, wants an introduction to the Broker.

      Updated conversation between Troyce and Tali on how he left the Hanar end began work as a courier for the SA, and a note that it’s a drell ship, not hanar.

      Others: Near beginning of chapter- changed

      “Always thought quarians were, ah, kinda frail.”

      Tali blinked, happy that her faceplate kept her emotions unseen. “Um…thanks? I-I mean, honestly, even krogan probably seem frail to you. You’re so… big.”

      Dost laughed, a booming noise of mirth that got him an irritated look from a turian ahead in the line. He met the turians gaze with an ugly glare, and the alien turned away, mandibles moving in deprecation. “Stupid plated chicken…anyway, ma’am. I wasn’t trying to insult you, I’m sure your people have to be tough to survive as long as they did. I’m sure the Alliance will be happy to get this data.”

      to

      “I’ve known more than a few quarians, and I’ve seen the Migrant Fleet Marines fight, but for a lady your age to drop two of them is very impressive. I’ve seen trained vets that wouldn’t have reacted that fast.”

      Tali blinked, happy that her faceplate kept her emotions unseen. “Um… thanks? I mean, honestly, it just all happened so fast.” She glanced down. “And my father is always lecturing me about getting into things over my head. I probably should have just run.”

      Dost laughed, a booming noise of mirth that got him an irritated look from a turian ahead in the line. He met the turian’s gaze with an ugly glare, and the alien turned away, mandibles moving in deprecation. “Stupid plated chicken… anyway, ma’am. Admiral Rael’Zorah is probably a pretty smart guy, but sometimes you have to run with what you’re given. God knows your people have to be tough to survive what you’ve been subjected to.”

      He exhaled. “And as for running, if you’d done that you wouldn’t have this data – and I’m very sure that certain parties will be delighted to get it.”

      –So I guess in summary, Dost is more familiar with quarians, compliments Tali more directly.

      Put it here because it might need to be looked back at when Dost reappears in the story.

      Tali’s shotgun is shot off her ass while running away from the krogan mercs who killed Troyce. Before editing, in a later chapter it was said she dropped her shotgun while running away, which didn’t happen in the arrive at citadel scene.

      ——

      Chapter 16:
      Fixed the brief appearance of a batarian female merc on the citadel, which would not happen, based on cerberus files info.

      Fixed description of Sunfire for consistency with later appearances. (Fires plasma, not explosive slugs)

      —–

      Chapter 23: Major changes and additions to Garrus – Pallin shouting match scene. Pallin contradicted himself before, this was fixed.

      Also the chapter grew by two pages.

      ——

      Issues to be corrected in later chapters

      Kiana is supposed to be Kiala.

      Shepard saying “I don’t have any friends” is heresy, she has Anderson at least.

      Helen Chakwas is supposed to be Karin.

      ——

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    • #1384
      mrosera
      Moderator

      Other changes: (Mostly where sentences or paragraphs were added)

      Ch 17:
      Small additions to brief scene of Shepard having Torfan flashbacks.

      Fixed reference to the death of Saren’s brother, says he blames the death of his brother on humanity, rather than saying his brother was killed in the FCW.

      Additions and changes to Shepard’s conversations with Anderson, Chakwas, and Joker. Fixed Shepard’s “I have no friends” heresy.

      Ch 20:
      Addition to Shepard’s comments on stealth drive tech.

      Additions to what Shepard is thinking during Anderson talk, showing there’s more to her than a simple soldier.

      Ch 21:
      Additions to major scenes, little details where Saren, Udina, and the council are talking.
      Mentions that turians were planning to open relay 314 anyway.

      Adjustments to Harper-Saracino conversation, Saracino knows Florez is his mother, sentence “not that I miss the bitch” removed.

      Ch 22:
      Significant additions to Saren-Benezia conversation which is the subject of the chapter. Shows more of the mental state of the characters. Mentions that Nazara refuses to use the godpower to secure the citadel.

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by mrosera.
    • #1613
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C24
      -Changed Predator to Carnifex in scene where Shepard meets Wrex in C-Sec for consistency with service record.

      -Revision to sentence where Alenko remembers that the last time Shepard laughed was when facing down 70+ geth with an avenger —changed, she never used the avenger in that scene. She just charged and played a game of geth bowling.

      -Additions to Shepard-Chakwas conversation.

      C25
      -Fix to Liara’s thoughts on dark beacons: it is said that prior to Shepard, everyone exposed to a dark beacon died. There are references later on in the story of people exposed to dark beacons being alive, but damaged.

      -Assorted small fixes

      C26
      “Sovereign” changed to “Nazara” in Tali’s evidence. (This needs to be consistent across all appearances of evidence.)

      C27
      Assorted fixes. Nothing too big.

      C28
      -Cole doesn’t refer to Kyle as “some prick” anymore, but doesn’t like him either. Thinks Mindoir marines are too fanatical and too prone to atrocities.

      -Additions to conversation between Cole/Williams/Alenko about Torfan. Also additions to Shepard-Cole conversation that happens the rest of the chapter. Chapter about a page longer due to additions.

      C29
      -Significant changes to Tetrimus’s interactions with the council. Sparatus is… displeased to see Tetrimus the Sirefucking Traitor.

      • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by mrosera.
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    • #1625
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C30
      General readability edits.

      C31
      Changes to numbers (amount of extranet hits on Shepard memes, number of people on Dirth, etc.)

      Cole is a Master Chief, not Master Sergeant.

      Krogan Writing = Korogish, not Tuchankan

      Mass accelerator weapons don’t have slides and bolts, fixed during Ash-maintaining-weapons scene.

      Helmet cam footage at end of chapter changed to security cam footage. Shepard and Alenko weren’t wearing helmets during the Chora’s Den raid.

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by mrosera.
    • #1665
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C32
      -Additions to Spectre HQ section, Spectre outfitting reminds Shepard of the Knights Irregular, mention of Spectre Armor manual (that she says she should have read in a later chapter), mention of Spectres having access to STG or C-Sec investigators if given rare council permission for such…

      Note: Spectres use paper books in 2183 because they cannot be hacked or rendered useless by power failure. Must be consistent across any future appearances Spectre armor manual.

      -Detail added that Garrus is wearing his father’s Clan Ceremonial armor.

      -Detail added that Garrus is former Raptor Guard and a SKYTALON pilot, in addition to naval service

      C33
      -More detail of inside appearance of Saren’s ship. (Small, beginning of chapter.)

      -Detail added at beginning of chapter, debate between the panicked family Arterius and the rest of the turians.

      -Line added in Desolas flashback – Saren notes that Desolas’s scent is off recently.

      -All mentions of Sovereign changed to Nazara. (And in future chapters Saren/Benezia should not be using the word Sovereign.)

      -Changes to Saren/Benezia conversation. Saren hopes to convince Nazara that their societies have value. Not enough to be slaves like the collectors, or worse, the keepers.

      -Slaver rings selling modified hanar changed to selling modified female turians.
      Katha would not approve of such practices, and those slaver rings wouldn’t exist long enough for Saren to find them.

      -Additions to Benezia talking about Liara, she’s proud of her, as long as Liara complies when the Krogan and geth bring her in.
      Plans to win over Liara by giving her what she wants – approval.

      -Reference added to volus ship attack. Saren will be taking the younger pack of Okeer’s thugs to do it. See chapter 40.

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by mrosera.
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    • #1709
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C34
      -Added a couple lines of dialogue between the krogan and a geth outside Liara’s bubble. Quickly putting the colossus back together for defense, but without the amplification systems for the weapon (which were needed to try to break the field Liara was stuck in.)
      This means the colossus was weaker than normal when it fought the Mako.

      Note: Cole can use a Revenant LMG easily due to being a heavy weapons specialist with a cybernetic arm and spine. (Shepard cheats with biotics, leading to Ahern’s… displeasure… in ATTWN.)

      -Normandy notifies the infantry battalion on the planet of the situation, but they are 200 miles away and won’t arrive in time to be of any use.

      -Added a little detail that Wrex is partly outside the Mako tank – explaining later scenes: Wrex having his own barrier hurt by the colossus, and Garrus needing to get a geth off the Mako that Wrex can’t shoot.
      (No ticket, no ride!)

      -Shepard calls Garrus battle chicken instead of turtle boy.

      C35
      Little detail on Garrus’s rifle firing explosive rounds – the rifle fires standard rounds by default. High-ex rounds are manually loaded override shells, like little ammo blocks, for when normal rounds aren’t enough.

      Fixed Shepard’s ODIN flashlight – turns it off manually after the hopper fight, then turned back on to go through the laser-melted tunnel.

      Adjustments to Shepard’s reaction to seeing Liara. Removed the “She’s beautiful…” line.

      Shepard “I’m as bad as a man” changed to “I’m as bad as Dunn.” Previous line deemed out of character.

      Fixed Armature being named before Tali classifies it as such.

      Fixed “little asari” – Liara’s not little, Telanya is.

      Note: Heavy splinter cells are single mini ammo blocks which override the normal firing of a weapon, resulting in a fragmenting blast instead of a regular shot.

      C36
      Added to Shepard-Pressly conversation, Pressly voices concerns about lack of real backup, and that the med-bay isn’t as well-equipped as it really needs to be.

      Updated Pressly’s comments on the aliens on the ship. Tali clearly wants to help. Concerns about Wrex being a Broker agent, Garrus being a hothead.

      More detail on Adams’ and Joker’s ideas to upgrade the ship, both have downsides. BuShips isn’t bothering to respond. Shepard wants them to at least tell her if additional mass reaction jets would throw off handling.

      Shepard “only friends I’ve had are my old team and Anderson” – rather than just Anderson.

      Sentence placement fix in a paragraph of the Shepard-Ashley conversation.

      Fixed a flashback of Anderson conversation that was altered in Ch17.

    • #1729
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C37
      Quarian length measurement added in Tali’s report on geth units.

      Minor change to Tali’s dialogue, she sounds a little more direct in wanting to be on the ship.

      Small detail on what a turian frown is.

      Fixes for consistency with service record chapter in Shepard-Garrus conversation – Shepard telling Garrus about the 10th Street Massacre and the events right before it.


      C38

      Dark beacon stuff changed for consistency when needed, they kill or drive people insane, not just kill.

    • #1736
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C39
      Shepard early life flashback:

      Detail added, clarification – Michael Shepard was a monster but not a pedophile. He did not sexually abuse Sara.

      Thalia comments to M. Shepard that Sara looks like him.

      Bar flashback:

      Expansion to sentence where Shields asks why they aren’t killing generals right now – those are the generals who had the bright idea to send in Shepard’s unit to die.

      Some fixes needed for consistency with service record chapter. (Shields first saw Shepard in PL training, not on Dirth. 3rd MPL, not 2nd.)

      C40
      Addition to beginning conversation – Crossfire rifles need maintainance frequently but that gives the Marines something to do.

      Quarian system purgatives changed to quarian antifungals.

      Volus script changed to plentossh, hieroglyphics.

      Expansion to end of chapter why the Volus are going after Githmol, either Saren and the geth are just randomly hitting ships (makes no sense) or Githmol is feeding Saren info.

      C41
      General cleanup.

      C42
      General cleanup. Note: ATS tracker mike is easter egg. Exact wordage used by sonar tech to track targets, on submarines in USN.

      C43
      Fixed mega-stancycles, changed to kilo. Stancycle is year on the leviathan homeworld.

      Protheans changed to Sethani (their name for themselves).

      Note: Reaper communication is something taken from the leviathans, who would do the same thing. The Reapers use the same method without understanding how it works or how to change it.

    • #1776
      mrosera
      Moderator

      Added 44-54

      C44
      General cleanup.

      Fixed a little missing dialogue that was previously mysterious bad punctuation (immediately after Liara sees Shields and runs to Shepard).

      Changed some dialogue where shepard is wondering why the geth are trying to capture the landing site with troops rather than just bombard it from orbit.

      C45
      Scene where Shepard and Liara are talking in the Mako, added stuff that they are talking on a private comm-link with their helmets on – as opposed to trying to have a private conversation while surrounded by others.

      Fixed issue with Shepard being able to smell the inside of the bunker despite having her helmet on.

      Fixed bad wording when Shepard is giving the Marines orders to set up at the bunker halfway between ExoGeni HQ and the landing site.

      Added detail that wrecked battlesuit is thermopylae as indicated in ch 101.

      C46
      Adjustments to description of Garrus’s combat skills at beginning of chapter.

      Saren’s ship is light cruiser, not frigate, fixed.

      Skal has command of clan Ganar with the blessing of Okeer.

      Added line that Baynham doesn’t know if the airlock was bypassed shut by the geth or someone else.

      Fixed issue with the garage door that Liara blows open with biotics starting as two doors and changing to one.

      Fixed a geth thinking Garrus is a krogan.

      Added some creepypasta that the glowing globe on the geth shrine affects VIs.

      Changed conversation between Shepard and Liara. Liara says that the geth have technology the citadel races don’t and that the glowing globe is important to them, rather than saying it’s odd that the geth have suddenly allied with Saren despite making no alliances over the centuries.

      [REDACTED]

      Added Shepard line “All that matters now is how I fucking kill them.” – Which she promptly regrets saying.

      C47
      Pistol on Florez’s hip is a Zeus.

      Added detail that R. Williams wants a human on the council **instead of scrambling to keep the salarians from devising new ways to genocide humanity… just in case.

      Citadel court on war crimes changed to crimes against sapients – they aren’t at war.

      Added minor detail that infected colonists are in orange prisoner jumpsuits.

      Fixed issue with Ashley and Garrus being ordered to snipe from 500 meters away and yet rejoining the team in seconds.

      Shields hopes she can get out of this without being sued by exogeni or executed by the council, rather than just executed.

      Fixed Benezia thinking Shepard is a man.

      Addition to last sentence, Ganar Skall talking about Wrex.
      “First the son, now the father.”

      C48
      Made Dragunov’s speech more stilted.

      Complaints from volus and hanar changed to volus and elcor. Hanar with their [REDACTED] wouldn’t care about the council appearing to favor humanity.

      C49
      Fixed Liara’s pistol, changed Elkoss Razor to Kassa Razer.
      It’s described as “one of the best light pistols on the market,” and Elkoss gear in ME1 was outclassed by nearly everything.

      Added some evidence left behind that Benezia fought her way down to the thorian chamber instead of just Saren. (Cutting biotics, warp sword use).

      Changed Ganars to Skals when referring to the individual, we don’t call Wrex “Urdnot.”

      Some detail added and wording adjustments on the big battle scene in the thorian chamber.

      Fixed/added to Skal’s death.

      Added small death scene for the second Shiala clone, who previously just vanished.

      C50
      Drell heavy cruiser is under the orders of the hanar.

      Wording change near end, got rid of “citadel fleet sheared in half,” replaced with Pressly watching the repeated loss of signals as ships are taken out.

      C51
      Added small detail about bandages during the ER Normandy scene.

      Fixed Senator Chatson to Jackson (the daughter of which Engineer Adams eloped with, which angered the senator and severely damaged Adams’ career.

      The spare Mako is now from Feros instead of Virmire. As with Undead Asari, time travelling is not allowed.

      Fixed various instances of word goblins.

      C52
      Changed sneering turians to sneering batarians in initial flashback. Because batarians are assholes.

      Got rid of the line about a large fleet – that is never seen – escorting the medical ship.

      16 heavy cruisers lost in Feros battle, not 15. May need fixing in later chapters too.

      Added loose end fix that the rest of the ExoGeni people disembarked the Normandy at the same time Jeong did.

      Added little paragraph that Pressly isn’t sure why X Ops were sent to guard Shepard.

      Change in the text that asari having pureblood children is rare among the Thirty, rather than asari in general.

      Cut down on ellipsis usage, not specific to this chapter.

      The tall asari on the medical ship is a clan doctor.

      C53
      Bea’s hair is shaven to her scalp instead of her skull, which would be a problem.

      Added detail from TWCD that Baby Blue/Jackson is technically wanted for desertion.

      Note: [REDACTED]

      Elaborated a little on what the figure in the beacon vision looks like without adding too many words.

      C54
      Possible issue – description of T’Soni house seems to change between the flashback of Liara being trained by Shiala and not-Benezia’s funeral.

      Shepard reading the Spectre armor manual in her quarters – digital manual on screen changed to book on desk, consistency with chapter 32 change.

      • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by mrosera.
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    • #1979
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C55
      ==========
      Council meeting: Originally Shepard said she intended to investigate Tuchanka to determine how Saren is getting all these krogan to work with him. She never does this and later we see the AIS investigated the issue instead.

      Changed to Shepard suggesting another Spectre or the STG investigate Tuchanka. Valern says he will see what can be done, as an STG team on Tuchanka likely won’t end well. Tevos comments that the Ganar clan are mostly citadel citizens, and she finds the involvement of Ganar Skal -Okeer’s son – alarming. They plan to see what Okeer has to say about Skal’s involvement.
      ==========

      Fixed inconsistency with service record chapter, length of time Shields worked with Shepard.

      C56
      Gave Dragunov a cybernetic eye in addition to his facial scarring.

      Lots of adjustments to Dragunov’s dialogue for stiltedness, added cyrillic in places.

      Goblins changed Vandefar’s first name, fixed this.

      Near end of chapter, changed Anderson’s dialogue regarding the turians and volus for consistency with the cerberus files – volus were a client race of the turians before first contact with citadel.

      C57
      General cleanup.

      C58
      Adjustments to supplies Tali intends to buy – better food, medical supplies, suit parts, a replacement nervestim device…

      Changed hanar embassy to elcor/volus. Hanar don’t have or want an embassy.

      The hanar at the human embassy has been given a scarf and two drell attendants. A fornax representative.

      The human sociologist whose files are given to Shepard by Udina is now Doctor Galen Minsta, of the Cerberus Files series.

      C59
      General cleanup.

      C60
      Changed name of the missile used by Cerberus assassins. The Kraken, in the tech guide, is a M/AM missile. New missile is Hellfire.

      On a side note, the assassins were expecting Wrex to be with Shields, which is why they brought a missile along.

      They weren’t expecting Tetrimus.

      Small fix concerning death of Wrex’s son, killed in ganar ambush, not an accident.

      Altered section where asari teacher/tour guide is talking to a group of children about galactic history. Original was inconsistent with everything about batarians in their section of the cerberus files.

      C61
      A time-travelling asari has been put back where she belongs.
      (Liara’s aunt Mithra was written once as Mirala/Morinth)

      Added entirely new scene at end of chapter, following up on Udina having Shepard handle the issue with the Eden Prime dead being studied by the SA instead of released to their families. Includes Vandefar and Ache Lameo.

      C62
      Fixed a detail with Kaidan’s condition, discovered by a neural doctor on Arcturus rather than a salarian doctor on Omega. There’s no reason why an active alliance soldier would be on Omega of all places for medical treatment, or even near it.

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    • #2055
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C63
      Fixed problem with Shepard’s planned team composition changing more than once.

      Expansion of description of lance cannon, as this is the first mention of it.

      Heixon heavy rocket launcher, which doesn’t exist in the Cerberus files, changed to Hydra.

      The spare firing pin in the drawer of the office was replaced with a spare omni-bayonet. A firing pin on a mass accelerator is a nope.

      C64
      Changed detail that the turian Phaeston rifles fire an accelerated particle packet (APP) round rather than just a “heavier round than the avenger” as previously.

      Detail added that Wrex’s backup armor isn’t quite armor, as his original went out the airlock after Feros.

      Shepard comments that the turian plant zombies are probably going to be worse than the human ones.

      Praetor Valun changed to Researcher Emeritus Valun. He’s not a praetor, the badasses who fight a vakar on foot, he’s a scientist honored by the Palavanus. Also Garrus mentions to Shepard that he’s worried about Valun’s facepaint, as bright red is rarely used, and a bad thing.

      The volus on the planet was ex-VDF, and probably killed some of his attackers before going down (consistency with recent additions to Cerberus files, volus are a lot more dangerous than they look.)

      Detail added of what valluxian guard are – distant Palavanus cousins that serve as bodyguards.

      Changes to Dragunov’s dialogue.

      C65
      Pressly notices Liara put a dent in the wall now.

      Pressly, after saying “you’d have to be dead not to be attracted to her” (her being Shepard) adds – “while most would never act on it, let’s not pretend it doesn’t exist.”

      Minor detail on avenger rifle ammo block release thing, instead of racking the slide on a gun that doesn’t use bullets.

      Expansion on why Shepard changed her mind from going in with a small team to going in with almost everyone.

      Detail – Vorkus Palavanus was praetor designate and heir. Garrus comments to Shepard that they’re in trouble, if Copy-Vorkus knows everything Real-Vorkus did.

      Copy-Vorkus thinks “Reaper” is a ridiculous term.

      Also speculates that Saren is seeking some kind of advantage in service to the reapers, which he won’t be getting.

      Copy-Vorkus tells Shepard the Reapers aren’t the only, or worst, enemy she faces, rather they are a symptom. “And in victory, they will find only terror.”

      More of Shepard’s thought process of whether to accept Zombie-Vorkus/the Tho’ian’s deal or not.

      Copy-Vorkus mentions that Real-Vorkus was killed by the collectors, not him/zombies/the Tho’ian.

      C66

      The turian scientist they rescued from Eingana is now seen on the ship rather than vanishing after getting into the Mako.

      The man talking to Byrce calls him on his stupid for complaining about manning ops alley for hours while the Marines are down on the planet getting chewed on by plant zombies.

      Fix – Wrex is going to have to wear armor provided by the humans as now both his armors have either gone out the airlock or been otherwise ruined by thorian goop. He’s seen improvising a suit from multiple suits for human armor, which he never has to actually use in combat as he gets proper krogan size Colossus armor when they reach the Citadel.

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    • #2121
      mrosera
      Moderator

      C67
      Valun is seen getting off the ship, met by group of turians to escort him back to hierarchy. We hope.

      Fixed second instance where Kaidan is said to have seen a doctor on Omega, which wouldn’t have happened and was changed to doctor on Arcturus in a previous chapter.

      Small expansion to the scene where Wrex gets his new armor – he’s impressed with it and thanks Williams.

      Broke up some of Shepard’s speech to the crew into smaller paragraphs. Also changed Shepard telling the crew that Saren plans to “bring back a race of aliens that killed the protheans” to “somehow take down the citadel, or worse.” Also removed mention of targeting Cerberus.

      – As this talk is done in dock on the Citadel, she can’t say anything that isn’t public knowledge. Any dockworker nearby could overhear.

      Shepard tells Liara the funeral service for the marines lost on Eingana is going to be empty caskets and a ceremony. It would normally be a regular funeral but the dead were unrecoverable.

      Fixed Garrus’ eye color (blue). May need to be updated in other chapters.

      C68
      On Kaidan – putting down the turian instructor costing him the regard of the girl he’d saved, changed to hesitation in stopping the turian cost the life of the girl.

      – In the PV Rahna is dead. SA used a pair of turian cabal outcasts as instructors on Jump Zero, along with a pair of asari. One of the asari had their version of PTSD and was fired for sleeping with 5-6 students. One of the turians snapped when Rahna couldn’t pick up a glass of water. Kaidan hesitated and the turian instructor kicked her in the throat and killed her. The other turian threw the crazy one out an airlock.

      SA went (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

      Shepard’s past – Added minor detail that Shepard’s experiments with male prostitutes in her past (Post-Penal Legions) gave her flashbacks from her youth so she switched to female ones. Previously just said she spent more than a little money on prostitutes, both male and female.

      In the part where Shepard is thinking on why she didn’t have a relationship with any in her old N7 team – “John” changed to “Rai”

      Detail/fix that Shepard’s sentence was reduced slightly for good conduct.

      Batarian children changed to slave children – on Liara talking about what she saw in Shepard’s memories.

      C69
      Some expansion on Rael’s thoughts on the Broker network when talking to Tali. Especially “don’t trust Tetrimus.”
      Also him saying he hasn’t been the most responsive of fathers or let her know that she has more value than she thinks.
      Changed “Morning War” to “the Rebellion.”

      C70
      Added detail that Telanya did 20 years in the militia.

      Changed Telanya’s wording from “trained with my weapons longer than any of you humans has ever been alive” to “since before your species split the atom.” – Which is significantly more impressive.

      C71
      Very significant fixes and expansion concerning the history of Cerberus, Richard and Rachel, and what Cerberus was involved in – including Rachel’s influence on Shepard’s life and that Kahlee Sanders was the one responsible for Shepard’s escape from slavery. Added mention of some other PV background characters.

      Fixed some of Trellani’s backstory.

      C72
      Minor fixes to wording in space battle at end of chapter.

      C73
      Changed “high powered pistol” to Carnifex

      C74
      General cleanup.

      • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by mrosera.
      • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by mrosera.
      • This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by mrosera.
      • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by mrosera.
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