Feedback here will generally get more indepth commentary and stuff that may or may not go into the story in question.

The story framing the tech guide is actually very important in revealing some warp-level fuckery on the part of the Black Leviathans that I can’t figure out how to really get into the main story. It’s not critical to understanding what happens later … more like putting that ‘Oh fucking shit no he didn’t’ aspect into things down the line.

NPC wrote:

1. The fact the Hanar are actually an elder race goes a long way to explaining any advantages they have, though it makes me question what the Protheans were doing with the Asari and Humans if they had a colony and species that the Reapers apparently never managed to get to.

I’ll put it to you like this. There are two things you need to know.

First, the last ‘changes’ to the hanar DNA occurred 6,000 years ago. Second, when the Protheans were there, it was a food-world.

NPC wrote:

2. The Drell bits were very interesting, can’t wait to see more on them. I like that one of the biggest advantages of the Rememberance Dancers is that they have access to Prothean biotic teaching, hell of a tech up. Also explains how they have any chance over Asari commandos/priestesses who live a lot longer, thus have more time to train, and the Turian hordes. But one wonders how long such advantages will last.

Remembrance Dancers are powerful because they use stealth and biotics most people aren’t familiar with, and because they are very highly trained assassins. A War Priestess is a biotic nightmare and a master with a sword…but is not a soldier. A turian biotic would be a much tougher matchup.

NPC wrote:

3. How do the Thirty rationalize that they are the chosen of their ‘Goddess’ while the Hanar clearly got a better uplift package?

Why do you think Trellani went fucking crazy?

NPC wrote:

5. The First Refusal War was interesting and felt right. Hanar fall back sacrificing Drell colonies until the Council over extended and got their noise bloodied. Sounded like once the Council got serious and the Turians went to war footing after the attack on their homeworld, the Hanar threw everything they had at making the Council back off.

They did. The big difference is that the Hanar were not any more ready in some ways for the first skirmish or the First Refusal War than the Council. After that they expanded their fleets, started making REAL warships, and vastly increased the depth of their defenses.

NPC wrote:

6. The Second Refusal War really threw me. The STG was fooled by the Drell loyalists among the Valkhana. The Asari with 1000 year life spans couldn’t remember the last war. The Turians, what, screwed up their logistics?

Turian logistics have ALWAYS been terrible (Pel talks about this in the military turian section). The bigger issue is that the Troubles didn’t just fuck up ‘logistics’ on a planetary level but Hierarchy wide. It created more separatists than ever, and plenty of those encourageed the war while sabotaging it, hoping the Hierarchy would collapse if they were defeated by the hanar again.

The STG missed loyalists among the Valkhana because they were primarily probing for information and tech. The STG was convinced — after seeing the hanar not colonize anything for centuries and NOT followup on their crushing victory in the First Refusal War — that the hanar weren’t interested in expansion or the outside world at all.

The STG cannot read minds, and they tend to fuckup sometimes because they DON’T think other races are anywhere near as smart as them.

Also keep in mind that the asari knew full well what had gone down in the First Refusal. But they had a much better idea what they were facing — and the rise of Aria was intolerable in their eyes.

NPC wrote:

Then the Hanar fight all the way to Palaven and bomb the capital tower, have better guns, shields, hacking, make a mockery of all other races special forces, and captured the Citadel. The Hanar literally beat everyone at their own game. While not impossible to explain, it kind of breaks with the Mass Effect feel when the Council isn’t top dog among the known races.

The hanar managed to do that pretty much because no one expected it and had stripped the defenses to throw more ships at the Hanar (which seemed to be the only way to win battles against them).

However, the suddenly increased level of technology and competence is a hint. They shouldn’t be able to do what they did…and yet they did so.

NPC wrote:

7. Invading the Hanar colonies was always a bloody slog so why didn’t the Council, or at-least the Turians, bomb them from orbit? Any Prothean artifacts are surely in secure vaults and will survive.

Because some weren’t in secure vaults, they were in the middle of said colonies. More importantly they DID try this in the First one, and the hanar destroyed everything when it became apparent they were going for this.

It’s impossible to simply infiltrate a hanar colony. They’re all underwater, all drell live topside and have ZERO reason to be underwater, and you can’t dress up in a hanar costume.

NPC wrote:

8. Did the Council actually make a well throughout reasoned decision about the Terminus? Did they learn the lesson that the USA and the great powers of old never learned? Yeah turns out just because you can roll over someone’s military doesn’t mean you can successfully hold the territory without bleeding manpower, money, and political will.

They did the modeling and came to that conclusion, yes.

NPC wrote:

9. So Hanar are servitors? Maybe a Prothean project the Leviathans took over? Interesting the Hanar are weak to Asari melds. Perhaps the Thirty aren’t the only ones with a crisis of faith in the future.

The hanar are … complicated. I’ll explain it all at the end of the hanar section in the OOC.

There’s not one or two factions of Leviathans, there’s three. Add one of them is working with an unexpected party.

NPC wrote:

10. While I’m ambivalent about changing the timeframe of the Batarian File, I still would like to hear what the Hegemony, a staple of galactic civilization for a long time, was like. I’m just asking telling us what changed. Like, “The SIU unit used to spend most of their time hunting STG spys and crushing slave revolts but with the rise of the Empire (new information here)”. You get the idea.

This was the idea, with the compare and contrast used to highlight how fucked up the Emperor is.

First of all, I want to complement your reinterpretation of the hanar. They are terrifying in a big picture sense, and I like how their apathy, both in Council interactions and post war conduct, ties in with your remarks that indifference is the greatest evi.

Before the latest tech update, I was thinking the hanar were a Prothean equivalent to the Engineers from Halo, with some independence and not-unjustified arrogance. I also noted the hanar usage of asteroid sized mass driver, which was the interstellar travel method of the Thoi’han.

Now I’m thinking they’re Leviathan guards, or perhaps shock troops for Collectors (both the Hanar report and the Collector perspectives have used similar wording in “ascension”, this also explains how they have intact Prothean structures not attacked by Reapers) I await patiently for futute updates to clarify this.

If they are linked to the Leviathans in some sense, that brings up a thought I’ve had about any of the “inborn trait of dominance” that I’ve had about the Innusannon or Thoi’han.

Any species that can do that simply could not integrate into “normal” society, or even could be considered a kind or morally good species. Innusannon, if brought back per their plans with Vigil, would not get along with any of the Council species. I did notice their conspicuous absence from the far future spots of Sara’s last message through Vigil.

It’s not really a question, but does this factor into any of the future of your fic? That it would be in everyone’s best interest if the Innusannon and whatnot stay dead? That the hanar, if so influenced by the Leviathans, are also going to be suitably “does not get along with others” ?

Keep up the good work, sir.

NPC wrote:

15. Why does the Eclipse Sunfires (the failed warpriestess) have the same name as the Sunfire plasma compression pistol.

They named themselves after it, of course, as a terrifying weapon. They’re about the strongest troops Eclipse has on hand — even a failed priestess can ruin the day of anything short of a four-man N7 team.

NPC wrote:

16. The chase was awesome. I believe I’m in the minority here but I enjoyed Shift and Kiss dying in random and impersonal manners. Sometimes reality is a bitch.

NPC wrote:

17. Really excited to see what Aria’s got going on. It seems like the various outcasts are developing their own subculture.

Aria’s ultimate goal is to establish a domain powerful enough to resist the crap the Thirty are pulling, criminal enough to take advantage of corporate greed and ruthlesness while avoiding being a place for refugees who can’t fight or work, and dangerous enough that the Council leaves them to their own devices.

NPC wrote:

How do the Green Shirts interact with the batarian security boys? Are they the same team or different vassals of Aria? So many questions. Sigh, world building why you so addictive.

The Batarian servitor families and the greensuits are subtly at each other’s throats, but both generally work together since open conflict will draw Aria’s wrath.

Bray’s ancestor saved Aria’s life more than once (for a batarian he was pretty badass) and his descendants are loyal to Aria because she is the strongest. They handle most of the low level security and are more like bullyboys than anything else. The greens are mostly failed commandos or outcasts, who work for Aria using their skills since it beats dancing, whoring, or working for the gangs, but with the exception of the leaders and veterans are much less willing to die in Aria’s name.

I missed some earlier.

NPC wrote:

Why are Drell fascinated with humans? Do the Drell view the SA as the bad boys? Where the Drell have accepted Hanar sovereignty, we chafe against the Asari.

Drell see human morality and notions of sin (something you will note no other races believe in) intriguing, as well as the idea that our God would sacrifice of Himself to save His creations. Their own naturalistic gods are almost mechanical in their ritualistic demands.

As far as soverignity goes, most drell do indeed see the humans as the analogues of themselves, and the hanar as the match to the asari. While the Refusal Wars hurt the Citadel Races for a few years, each one has nearly crippled the Ascendancy, despite how badly they seem to have beaten the citadel.

In a matchup, the Drell are not as advantageous as they might seem — all of humanity’s worlds are so wet that drell would be operating basically at half speed and power wtihin days, and developing Keprals in weeks. Earth is a nightmare environment for them, a drell force could never even hope to survive for more than a week or two.

NPC wrote:

Has Vigil cracked Optronics for TIM? Seems like it would be a big card for TIM to have in his hand when it comes time to “make nice” with the Council.

Vigil is pretty tight with actually handing out technology for a number of reasons. That being said, most of Insunnanon electronics relied on phase-shifted positron nets and other exotica that wouldn’t even mesh well with any of our stuff. It’s like trying to make modern fiber optic systems work with ancient semophore tech.

Vigil has also not bothered researching such things — if he did he’d tell the humans to give up, as the more advanced optronic pieces are clearly being forged using something like a Prothean Forge.

Hint. Hint.

NPC wrote:

In the STG Files: Benezia Incident, the narrator says that the three Batarians cruisers spotted by the Normandy over Eden Prime couldn’t have been from the Hegemony and pirates don’t operate anything that big. But in OSABC, Sara is fighting a pirate battlecruiser and several frigates in the first battle on Alamor! Perhaps the ‘local’ pirates don’t operate anything that big would be a better description perhaps?

Typically speaking, when documents say one thing and the story says another, you should ask yourself why. Given my hatred of plot holes, you can almost always be sure that such discrepancies are done on purpose.

NPC wrote:

Interesting to note that Sara is going to have to face the same situation Victor did. Victor thought to take over Earth, because of his noble blood and zealotry, from increasing corrupt governments and terrorists organization intend on destroying the Earth. Is Sara going to really give up power when faced with the incompetence, corruption, power hunger, and cruelty of those who came before. It would be so easy for her to conclude that the weak need her protection so criminals like the ones in charge of all the governments don’t happen again. The galaxy needs a firm hand after all. Those who don’t want power are often the vary ones who should have it. I think the continued existence of the Commissariat is an indicator that she wan’t willing to give up everything. You either die a hero or live to see yourself become the villain indeed.

This is an interesting concept, except that Shepard tends to doubt her own judgment and abilities to ‘lead’.

The biggest difference is that Victor felt most of humanity was useless. The poor, the uneducated, and the unemployed he had no use for. He felt the weak should perish and only the ruthless and virtuous (in his eyes, basically the ‘strong’ cultures that make the membership of the High Lords) should survive.

Shepard, on the other hand, believes everyone deserves a chance — even criminals. But people only get one chance with her. That’s a different kind of intolerance, one not based on cruelty but on expecting that others can do what you did.

I strongly doubt most people, exposed to the horrors of Shepard’s childhood and teen years, would be able to do much of anything in later years except break down like the survivor of the batarian slavers in ME1 showed us.

The bit with Shift and Relli’s Kiss dying amused me as well, it also reminded me of something similar.

The BBC made a miniseries of “Jekyll and Hyde” in the modern day. Without spending three paragraphs explaining some of the really weird shit they put in there (Hyde having a kinship with lions, control of electricity, etc.), near the end of the series, they opened an episode with this build-up/backstory of this badass paramilitary guy that was groomed from birth basically to kill or capture Hyde. They showed his brutal training, and the training he inflicted on his subordinates. The sequence ends with this guy running up to the roof Hyde is on, and charging him.

And Hyde hip-tosses his ass off the roof, and he goes splat twenty stories down.