Category Archives: Emo shitfaced crying

More Trellani and update

I had teeth extracted last week — looks like more problems with the crown I had done. Had another one extracted yesterday, appearantly the crack in the crown let the roots get infected, even though there is nothing wrong with the tooth itself.

*sighs* So that’s another $1400 down the drain. On top of helping to pay for my mother’s cancer, fixing problems with toilets, water heaters and the calipers on my brakes, I estimate I’ve gone through something like $25,000 since December. Ugh.

Given that, I’m not sure how much time will be devoted to writing for the next few weeks, as I’ll need to put in some extra hours. I did a¬† bit of Naruto writing but only because I’m still having a block on the next part of TWCD.

It’s coming together but the outline I had worked out is not really where I want it so I’m doing some work on that.

Since I wasn’t feeling well, LuckyFK decided to surprise me with some more Trellani, which is (as usual for him) awesomely done. Between that and enough vicodin to bring down Big Boss, I think I’ll be okay to try and write something tomorrow.

Enjoy ūüėÄ

Trellani, Travelling by LuckyFK
Trellani, Travelling by LuckyFK

Just a post saying I’m still around

Between running my mother to treatments and dealing with increased workload from a merger I’ve been unable to write much of anything, but I’m still around.

I have parts of the next chapter of TWCD done but it’s not anywhere close to ready…maybe by the end of August.

I really appreciate all the comments, emails and PM’s. You guys rock.

Not dead. But probably not writing for a bit.

Mom has lung cancer, small cell. She’s starting chemo, but … even though they caught it early, it doesn’t look good. I’m trying to be positive, but that’s difficult.

Funny. I really don’t have anyone else left in my life. A few cousins, one of whom I’ve left everything to in my will. Most of my close friends died in Iraq or Afghanistan, or have simply moved on to other things.

Work is taking up a lot of my time. Went in at 7 AM today, just now getting home at fifteen till 9 PM. Not a lot of energy to write.

Still some pain — ankle, knee, shoulder. Back is better. Not sure for how long.

I’ll write again as soon as I get any energy to do so, and when I’m in a more … positive mood.

Current Condition : Update

So far, I have been told the following:

  • I have at least one, possibly two bulging discs in my lower spine
  • These have caused damage to the sciatic nerve, which is why my right leg is experiencing shooting pains and numbness
  • There may be damage to the other nerve as well
  • There is a possibility of one of the discs being herniated
  • If surgery is needed, the cost will be (with insurance) anywhere from $800 to $12,000. That’s on top of the $2,000 I’m already out due to tests, chiropractic, visits, meds, etc.

So, yay. I have to go in Tuesday for something called a Myelogram with CT Scan. Whatever that is.

At this point I have no idea how long this will take. I could get off lucky, only need endoscopic ‘adjustment’ , be done by the end of next week or the week after and back to normal. Or I could need to have the more heavy duty surgical corrections/replacements/fusions done. Ugh.

If it looks like I’ll be incapacitated for a long period of time (like months) then I’ll probably release the outline drafts of the rest of the works I have and my notes to anyone who thinks they can keep the series going. Otherwise, just pretend this is another random hiatus I’m on.

If pain allows tomorrow  (it seems to be a bit better today) I might write something.

Personal situation, direction inquiries

I’m apparently going to need to see an additional specialist. The little outpatient surgery thing went fine, but didn’t actually reduce any of the nerve pain, just the lower back pain.

Right now my focus is on getting things at work into some semblance of order. I’ll fiddle with little bits of the story but no idea when the next ¬†piece comes out.

Nor am I sure if more intensive surgical stuff will be needed until I meet the specialist, and I don’t have dates for that yet.

In other news, I’m kinda sleepy. Between the 10’s for Vicodin, damn near 1700 mg of naproxen a day, these muscle relaxants, and the stuff they shot me up with, I’m just not very alert or focused.

As far as TWCD goes…

There’s a branch point I’m thinking of. Whether to delve into Shepard psychology and past with chambers, or move straight into the action and the Rise of the Butcher. Tempted to simply close out Arc I and get the action going, but I’m not sure the framework of how Shepard is reacting is set up properly.

Also not sure if the above sentence makes sense. Drugs, lol. Thoughts would be appreciated.


On the nature of criticism vs. dislike

I had a series of reviews today from a person who felt — among other things — that I was being intolerant of certain kinds of critical feedback. I won’t bother naming names. Attention, I feel, is not this person’s goal , so much as demanding someone act is if they matter.

They ultimately don’t, yet, I want to see if their bullshit had any validity at all, or if it was merely the incoherent, racist, homophobic and mouth-foaming rant I wrote it off as at first.

I won’t address the crux of their argument (as it was extremely retarded) but rather the overarching question implied by them:

At what point is rejecting criticism valid, and at what point is it simply refusing to listen to things you don’t like?

Twilight was raised in the conversation. Some people think Twilight is a great show/series. Others think it’s a mess of cliches. Still others hate the creepy vibe it has, suggesting it promotes issues like wife husbandry and worse.

One cannot argue, however, that millions of people like it, or that it is very commercially successful. On that note, is that to say that all criticism of the work is invalid simply because lots of people like it?

No. A determination, I think, of valid criticism, has to be based on two factors.

Is the criticism driven by personal biases or dislikes or by weaknesses in the work?

Is the criticism primarily directed at the execution, mechanics, or storyline of the work, or at the message and intent  of the work?

I have said for some time now that I am not a great writer. I do not do this out of faux modesty. My main flaws are simple: I am often formulaic and adhere to certain conventions such as melodrama, climatic focus and overpowered characters. Mechanically I have issues with spelling, missed words and phrasing. Thematically I have a tendency towards fantasy, mysticism and conspiracy even where they are inappropriate. Most importantly, I have low tolerances for those who view my work and demand it match up with preconceived notions of canon, which has resulted in me deviating farther from canon than necessary more that once, and increasing numbers of OC’s.

ALL of these are valid criticisms. I cannot argue with any of them, they are all net negatives.

I have also been called out for having unrealistic or disturbing elements in the Shepard/Liara relationship, distorting the view of certain elements into an anime feel,  anti-corporatism, smearing and/or distorting the races of the ME verse into a light that is primarily negative without redeeming features, and creating social structures such as the Commissariat or the Thirty that are fascist/communist and fly in the face of what ME is about.

These are criticisms that I would argue with, but that I mostly chalk up to my personal preferences and style. Some may like them, some will dislike them. I do not feel they invalidate my work, others will disagree.
I have always felt that criticism based solely on one’s personal biases or dislikes, or on one’s political views, or worst of all on antipathy for certain positions taken in a work, are completely invalid. Those who say my aliens act immorally — and, as a support, say there are multiple HUMAN religions who say a given act is immoral — are, in my opinion, missing the point. Those who hate any kind of homosexual relationship, or any suggestion that not everyone is a perfectly well adjusted white male, and imply that because I don’t cleave to their views that my work is sick — what kind of improvement can I derive from such criticism?

To me,¬† a critic exists for two reasons — to point out a work’s weaknesses and provide insight for those who are unsure of whether or not to invest their time and effort into viewing/reading/experiencing a creative work.

When people provide negative feedback, I try to sort it based on what it is. Some of the feedback I’ve gotten on DLP, for example, I didn’t LIKE. But the reasoning behind it was valid. Rehashing the same thing over and over is NOT good writing and it’s something I need to fix.

When, however, I receive feedback that basically states it would be better if I deleted everything I’d ever written — I don’t take it seriously.

Which leads me to the point of this little post. I have tried to incorporate much of what various readers have suggested in my work over the years. I have repeatedly stated that some of the best twists I had came from the feedback of others — TIM doublecrossing the rest of Cerberus, the entire Eingana arc, the use of Vigil.

I don’t really CARE what people who hate the series think of it, any more than the people who are making millions of Twilight care about the people who hate that work. I write to entertain and distract myself, and to entertain those who like my work, and hopefully to inspire others to write. That is my audience.

Do you feel that I am ignoring the feedback that you have given? Is there a weakness (aside from grammar/words missing) that is resonating through ATTWN and TWCD that needs to be addressed that I am dismissing?

Curious to know what people think.

Various Things

I’m pretty much reduced to trying to write when my back is not forcing me to lay down at this point. I’ll have to go in and see a doctor Monday (assuming I can get in, maybe Tuesday), as this is now at a point where I’m having to stop and lay down every other hour to get the pain to decrease.

I’ve been working on two chapters at the same time, one for Liara/Telanya and one for Shepard. Based on the feedback, I think I’ll intermix the two approaches — one Sheppy chapter, then a cutaway chapter to someone else. That should satisfy everyone.

A reader is planning on starting up a ME themed role-playing session incorporating some of the stuff from my background. I think that’s a pretty neat idea, and I’ve been giving some thought to maybe trying to run a campaign online like that. There’s enough online tools (voice chat and cams, online tabletops and dice-sets and the like) that it could be done remotely, although I don’t know how many people would be interested in such a thing.

My goals for this year are as follows:

  1. Finish up the Encyclopedia Biotica
  2. Take a stab at putting together some kind of document to cover all the technological changes and additions I’ve made.
  3. Complete the Batarians and maybe the Quarians in the Cerberus Files
  4. Finish No Single Raindrop and maybe Lions.
  5. Probably copy the series over to AO3
  6. Have someone do edits on OSABC and ATTWN to clean up the grammar and work on more rewrites of OSABC’s earlier chapters.
  7. See the series get more attention on TVTropes

Time for more Vicodin.

Still writing slowly

Back is … quite a bit worse. Pain is localized sometimes to the very lower back, or sometimes travels down my right leg. When I lay down it stops, calms down when I walk to some degree. Hurts when I sit or just out of the blue. Heat and cold, TENS and massage , nothing really helps.

On 500 mg of naproxen and 300 of vicodin, which isn’t doing much but taking the edge off.

Working on the Liara piece, but I’m still having to deal with on-call stuff from work, so I doubt I’ll get it done this weekend — but I could be wrong. After Liara, should I do a back to Shepard piece, or a roundtable of some other characters (Anderson, von Grath, Delacor, etc)?

Ideas welcome. Home back pain remedies and sympathetic hugs from fangirls also welcome :p